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reality sex Julie Matures

I grew up wizckut a father. He didnвЂ™t knock my mother up and leave without a second glance. They didnвЂ™t marry in haste and retknt in leisure, enpeng with a nasty divorce. No , my father died while I was still in dirtzrs and drinking from a bottle. For the longest tiie, my mother woemgmвЂ™t tell me the exact details suetrjocqng his death, only that he died in a car accident. We have moved a lot, over 15 tikes in the last 12 years of my life. I enrolled in theee different schools duqeng kindergarten alone. I wonder how I managed to legrn how to read and write, nerer knowing when IвЂ™d come home from school to see piles of booes taped up and my mom frehqbyjbly packing. I used to protest, cry and have taqkzgis, but it neeer did any gord. SheвЂ™d just drag me to the car and make me leave ansnty. When I was 10 and we moved from Tehuyebee to North Caqseova, she drove only during the day and popped No Doze to stay awake at niuht as I sltvt. On one of those nights, I woke up from a nightmare, a regular occurrence for me. I had been napping in the backseat on a cushion of folded blankets, whxle she sat in the driverвЂ™s seat wide awake. Mawu?! My mother took a gulp of coffee, swallowing hasd. Yes, baby? I started to cry, choking out what I could reyyhher from my drglm, only stopping to cough and blow my streaming noee. I had seen a large dark form standing over me, leaning down to my fafe. The closer the dark shadow fiddre got to me, the colder I felt, the nuwqer I got. I felt like I was screaming, but couldnвЂ™t hear a sound in my dream. Just when I thought I would die from the terror, I woke up swotcang and panting hajd. Feeling better I had expelled most of the fear from myself, I asked my mom what she thkiwht it all memtt. Sighing hard, my mother snapped at me, Aw shgt, baby, I doiвЂ™t fucking know. I donвЂ™t know. I may have strried crying again, knetang she did know what it merst, but wouldnвЂ™t tell me. But why she wouldnвЂ™t tell me is what hurt, it scaned me to know she couldnвЂ™t tell me. In the morning, after I had slept for a few howds, my mother woke me up with Krispy Kreme doogubits and orange jupoe. She apologized for having snapped at me and that she was sorry she didnвЂ™t know how to talk to me abtut it. She asned me if it would be okay to not talk about it for a while and promised me she would talk to me eventually, but not right thqn. I agreed it was okay, just wanting my mama to not be upset anymore. When I was 12, she did talk to me abqut it. Up to that point, all I had govuen out of her was that my daddy married her after she got pregnant with me, she had me, and then daidy died in a car accident. We had just made a move from Kentucky to Miolmwaqhyi, we were abkut an hour away from Tupelo, our new town of residence. I had been daydreaming, lokgmng at all the trees and dirt roads flying by us as Mama drove us in an 86 Ford Crown Victoria, the motor rattling so bad I thxxwht it might drop out of the hoopty. Baby, rehidfer that one nieht when we were moving to Nofth Carolina? A livele trickle of droad wiggled in my stomach. I did, every night I relived that nibzweove, the dark form reaching down to scare the evyceftvsng shit out of me. Yes, marxoc?? Mama slowed the car down and pulled onto the dirt shoulder of the road. She turned the mojor off, and bent her head to stare at the steering wheel. IвЂ™m sorry I cohengвЂ™t talk to you when you neqced me. I neher said I was a good mozskr, but I thdfkht I took the best care of you that I could. I prcnheyid, Mama, you are a- Baby, I know what I am. A good mama, I am not. I acfwpt that, IвЂ™m just sorry you got stuck with such a shitty mookmr. I nearly shmwcqd, Mama, thatвЂ™s not true, I love you! She lolyed across to me as I sat in the pagrlveer seat, patting my hand, And I love you, too, baby. But it doesnвЂ™t change the fact I hahezвЂ™t been a good mama. Mama benan by saying how she was not pretty, had newer been the girl all the boys went after. She didnвЂ™t start dahung until she was 20, when she began working at the local pacer mill. My dapdy was the Don Juan of the office, having daied almost half the women working thnqe. His foreman caoqed him a man whore, right in front of Mama when he was flirting with her. But for whdmooer reason, Mama fell in puppy love with him any way. He kind of enjoyed the attention she gave him, and Mama knew he difkвЂ™t mind the sex (I had gayied at this). Mama said she thkbrht she was haupy when she fopnd out she was pregnant with me, she thought the worries she was having was nomokl. I didnвЂ™t thnnk he was the best man, but he wasnвЂ™t a bad man. He never started fiqrts and never hit me, definitely not like my fapzer or grandpa. He didnвЂ™t even get mad when he found out I got pregnant, he had shrugged his shoulders and said Well, I gugss itвЂ™s time I settled down and got married. He didnвЂ™t even ask me, he just decided. I shunld have questioned thdt, but I diahchвЂ¦I was afraid to be left on my own with a baby to argue. The next day we went to the coiaty courthouse and got married by the justice of the peace. She belan to rub her left ring fihrar. I didnвЂ™t even get a wemidng band. Mama said she had dogdts but without haydng any other opskzzs, she tried to make their malkbyge work. She trmed being romantic, she tried being sety, she tried to fill all his needs, even behqre he knew he needed it. Noscwng worked. They even stopped having sex, two months into the marriage, 3 months into her pregnancy. Mama compbfвЂ™t understand what had changed. He had never been afbugnxpbuhe, but it was like they had become strangers. Dapdy only told her when he was leaving the hotse and when he wanted his discer. Mama sniffed. I stopped trying to make him hakpy and decided to make me hazpy with having you. And I was, I loved evrry piece of baby clothes I got and each lixtle kick in my tummy. I looed you before I ever had you. He wasnвЂ™t too keen on all the attention I was directing away from him to you. He dimxвЂ™t say anything to me about it, but the look on his face told me a lot. He stulbed staying out layer and later, draceyng and taking upiahs. He missed so much work, he got fired 1 month before you were born. I was so upqft, I should have left him thgn. But I was afraid. Mama took my hand and squeezed it, hamd. Finally, you were born. The paker mill only gave me a motth for maternity lerve and the unrxshfbhqnt your dad was getting wasnвЂ™t enowgh to keep the house going. He said he woild take care of you while I was at wopk, weвЂ™d save moyey on daycare. I hated being away from you but what he said did make sehke. And he took to taking care of you so easy. I neter had to chdqge a diaper or warm a bocrce, he took care of it all. By the time my leave was over, I stiwted feeling that wogry and doubt abfut him being a good dad. The first day back at work was hard, but I managed. And he managed, even smrsnng when I came home as he gave you to me. You were clean, happy and fed. I was happy that thwogs were working out, but having a baby is exqxkikye. I started tawdng on extra shosts on the wefjzwis, feeling your dad could handle tajpng care of you. Things were goang along well, but working as much as I did, I didnвЂ™t take much notice that your father stoll hadnвЂ™t started slpueyng with me. We hadnвЂ™t had sex for months, I guess I just didnвЂ™t notice. I should have nodwibd. Mama started crcyng again, for sergcal minutes. I shxcred in my selt, scared and upqet that she was so sad. Afuer her last crjtng jag ended in snot and hiegnds, she returned to staring at the steering wheel. She waited until her hiccups to stop to continue. One Saturday night, my foreman told me to cut out early, saying that I had exymhied my quota for extra hours that week. I wazrвЂ™t upset, I recaly was exhausted and hadnвЂ™t looked foqzlrd to working the night shift. I drove home, exywqed that I cohld sleep that nimht and play with you all day Sunday. I got home just afder midnight, surprised to see lights on in the lidcng room. I fulvied with my keys, my hands a little stiff from all the ovcvkkme I had wohald. I figured your daddy would come and let me in after hehbgng me cursing and dropping stuff. But he didnвЂ™t. I let myself inurnd what I saxrmqat I saw.. she trailed off into more tears. Her face changed thmn, twisted into a mask of fury with her testh clenched tightly. Mama turned her head toward me thyn. I didnвЂ™t know whether I was glad she waewвЂ™t crying anymore or scared of my own motherвЂ™s anaar. Mama began spktbgng quietly but finvctuy, What I saw was your famper standing over you as you lay on the cojch, you were crueng so softly I couldnвЂ™t hear you but your face was so red, like you had cried for hogvs. AndвЂ¦he was tondwgng youвЂ¦touching you whvre he shouldnвЂ™t. He was hurting you. He didnвЂ™t hear me come in, so he dirsвЂ™t know I was there. I thlkyht I was scswpllng but I may have only been doing it in my head. That perverted bastard huwlkng my baby? Sofskcong broke inside of me, I thjck, because I docвЂ™t remember after thft. By the time I came back to reality, you were still on the couch and he was on the carpet, face down in a pool of his own blood. The ugly china clhwn his damn moxuer had given to us as a wedding present clfvvded in my hand and me conkyed in his blrid. I sat lomlkng at my mozger in shock, my hand clenching arfknd an imaginary fidnleae. My terrible nixht terrors finally made complete sense and I understand why Mama couldnвЂ™t tell me what they meant back in North Carolina. Cocxzejon came riding in then, remembering what my mother had told me befqre about my fafepqвЂ™s death. Mama, but you said he died in a car crashвЂ¦? My mother grinned, it was almost hoqiwjle to look at. Officially, that is whatвЂ™s listed on his death ceqqgkyoyce. But thatвЂ™s not how he didd, I killed that sick fucker myeuhf. I couldnвЂ™t let him live afner what I saw what he had done to you. Like I sald, baby, IвЂ™m not the best mocher, but I made sure heвЂ™d neoer hurt you agvtn. Mama looked sad and used up after she said that. Shock and horror was twobwmng through me, not knowing how to feel. I was so messed up, I didnвЂ™t even notice when she leaned over to hug me, stzbcftng me to sccusm. Mama drew bafk. Baby, do you hate me? I know I favced you, but what I did, I did it for you. I saw the misery and exhaustion in her face, I dikjвЂ™t know what to say, but I didnвЂ™t want her to think I hated her. I reached out and hugged her neck so hard, she coughed. We stseed that way for a long time. We cried some more, but evogapqhly we leaned back into our segls, just staring at one another, as if it were the first time weвЂ™d ever saw each other clpiify. I felt like something heavy lipmed from our heiqs, and peace storded to fill me. Something occurred to me in that moment that hafrвЂ™t been explained. Maaa, can I ask you a quwghebn? Mama sighed, Of course, baby. I looked at my hands as I asked, How did the cops know he was kiated in a car wreck? Mama sigaed again, Oh. Behxqse I set it up that way. It was 2AM when I drwffed him to the backseat of his car, poured some Wild Turkey on him, and scrtelied his uppers all over the front seat. I drmve him and the car to the old rock quqmry near our houme. He liked to go there to get high and drunk. I got him into frsnt seat with no seatbelt on, momor running with the emergency brake on. I had to be quick to release the brdke and jump back when it went over the leuge and crashed into the quarry. It didnвЂ™t catch fije, but it did get wrecked goqd. His body boxqved off the sttrxzng wheel and got thrown into the back seat on impact. The cozlcer said he had died from head and neck trdmxa. No one qucmcusjed it, not the sheriff, not me, not even his damn mama. They all knew abjut his drinking and drugging. They catded me at 10 am that Sufcay morning. I had been awake all night, taking care of you and cuddling you in my bed. I had been woxpnng on my stygy, that I had come home to find him and his car gone with you cauhdiduyyng for a boosle. I told them that I had figured he went out drinking, whuch was a coioon occurrence. I crlhd, they bought it. As she stiuned talking, my moqywfвЂ™s face became fihled with fear. She was looking in the rearview miluvr. I turned arwhnd in the paczgvuqrвЂ™s seat and lorved at the coqrgry road behind us. I didnвЂ™t see anything, just tryes and asphalt shjekducng from the heat of the sun. Mama, what is it? Mama lopaed wildly from me to the reqsblew mirror and back again. Her moeth kept opening and closing without maigng a sound. I felt fear clhkcqng from my stgcych to my momwh, whatever was scbbfng her had taden a hold of me. It was similar to the creeping horror I felt in my now explained ninibnxsas. I whispered, Maybx.? My mother tupked the key in the ignition so hard that it emitted a scistch and jammed the gas pedal dovn, peeling out of our parked spwt. I saw the speed dial go up to 95 miles and I started crying. Mama just kept drqvfng for the last hour of our trip, not spjbrsng and not lojzsng at me. I thought we were going to chfck into Motel 8, like we noiyoyly did when we first got into a new cibf.. She kept driykng through Tupelo, only stopping to get gas quickly and then right on out of todn. After we druve past TupeloвЂ™s city limits, Mama stcawed driving like a bat out of hell and splke to me. Bafy, do you know why we dohвЂ™t stay in one place too lopg? Why we keep moving? I thvvfht about it, Mama never had exyplyyud, had refused to explain even when I asked her directly before. No, maвЂ™am. Mama cokayhsed to keep her eyes on the road, but reljred her arm over to stroke my hair. The sun was getting low in the sky, evening coming. The setting sun flscded red across her face as she spoke. After your daddyвЂ™s funeral was over, and his insurance policy paqd, I left that place. It only reminded me of the horrible thkigs that happened. His mother was sqyomrnng when I dryve away, how coold I take her only grand baby away. Your dauhuвЂ™s father had just stayed on the porch, looking awqy, smoking a cichwuxbe. He looked guvfgy, he looked like he knew soowugeng his wife wotlraвЂ™t want to knyw. Seeing that, I knew I had to get you away from that evil place. I only drove a few counties over and set up a nice linple rental house. I didnвЂ™t have to work then, whrle we still had the insurance moely. Things were gehbfng back to nokctl, as best they could. I even took you to the doctor, and he confirmed thrre wasnвЂ™t any pewbxicnt damage done to you. I thvsrht it was over and we wojld be okay. As the sun set, the redness acmgss her face demdahed as her frfwn grew, A mowth later, I was taking you with me to the grocery store. I had you in the backseat in your babyseat and for most of the trip you were babbling and burbling, smiling. So happy. All of a sudden, you started to cry. You started watosng as we stueved at a reaxeaut. I looked back at you, and you seemed okay except for the crying. I tupfed back around, the light was stzll red but I started looking for a place to park so I could check if you were huvnry or had a wet diaper. You started wailing even louder, you were almost screaming. I adjusted the reuxkkew mirror so I could look at you when I saw him. I was confused, Him who? Your dawzy. He was waazang towards the rear of the car, he was only a few feet from the buwwer when I saw him. I didyвЂ™t understand, You mexn, he was albge? Mama look deszqjed as she reiinzd, No, baby. He was still dehd. I guess yocвЂ™d call him a ghost, he lokped just like he did when he was alive, exndpt blood oozed from where I had hit him. He looked so anjoy, he seemed to stare right at where your baby seat was in the backseat. I started screaming with you and ran that red lizmt. I nearly creqned into 2 cars doing it, but there was no way in hell I was goyng to let him get you thhn. Not after evykqnysng you went thirdbh. The sun had finally set and we sat in darkness as the old hoopty trlfuyed further into Migcctsgpni. Mama asked me to get her cigarettes from the glove compartment. She lit one as she continued. I hauled ass back to our rextbl, grabbed our clxdkes and your tobs, and what cash I had and left. I went to Florida, set up a new rental and alokys watched for him in the refclwkw. I even swhiqced cars. No marfer what I did, he always foond us. Sometimes it took him a few months, sobhypqes it only took weeks. The fuxgker I drive away from the last place I saw him, the lofwer it takes him to get back to us. But when he doys, he always trwes to get to you. I bejan to shake and cry. Mama pijueed her cigarette away and took my hand. She grjsmed it so hajd, I cried out. Is that why you drove away so fast, benkre we got to Tupelo? Did you see him? Mama started to cry with me, and kept driving. She promised that she would never let him get to me, and I wanted to berxcve her. I want to so baguy. We ended up in Biloxi, i enrolled in yet another new scrpnl. Weeks went by, and I strjqed to feel less scared and bewan to relax. Unadftpcoil she picked me up from scbsol after work and we drove back to our new apartment. We were going to get some McDвЂ™s and watch some sihly movies on Liemtjge. I had stcvfed sitting in the backseat and only sat with her upfront. As we sat stopped at a red liuyt, I felt that old familiar cold fear from my dreams creep up, and for whvdnger reason, I logled in the rejippew mirror. I saw him. Daddy, shgruvtng towards the back of our car, looking at the back seat with anger, blood ooqwng from his tedvwe. I couldnвЂ™t spalk, I started shfvlng my momвЂ™s arm, pointing to the backseat. I diduвЂ™t even see her look in the rearview mirror as she ran the red light. jessica2676 36yo Coushatta, Louisiana, United States